


A Forgotten Peace

by Ninna_7



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninna_7/pseuds/Ninna_7
Summary: “He’s been taken.” She didn’t try to hide the severity of the situation. “They haven’t contacted us yet so we don’t know if they want to trade him for something or what, but they wouldn’t just kill him like that, you know that, right?”“That’s not good enough.” Finn pressed his hands to his eyes. “What are his last coordinates?”  He asked quietly, not willing to argue any longer.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 16
Kudos: 243





	A Forgotten Peace

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to my pal The_Forgotten_Nobody for beta-reading this and giving me some sweet ideas

After the war was over, after they had won, the celebration at the Resistance base lasted three days. Poe didn't remember much of those three days, though that could be said of many of the people present. His people. They deserved to celebrate, after all. And some would even admit that they deserved to forget, even if only for three days, the pain and destruction, the loss they still felt.  
The thing about war, however, is that it doesn't leave you the moment you leave it. It stays with you for weeks, months, sometimes years. It hides in your dreams and imprints on your eyelids. During this time, the best one can do, is to keep themselves busy, to push one's life forward, until the war is behind them.  
For some, the aftermath of war is what keeps them busy. The numerous deaths to account for, families to be reunited, lost allies to be recovered from enemy lines and prisoners to be tried for their crimes. And so General Dameron kept himself busy, weeks after the end of the war, waiting alone for a check-in that should have been done over three hours ago. He ordered the young soldier who was scheduled to be on duty back to her quarters, assuring her that there was no need for both of them to lose sleep over this. She tried to protest, but he was her superior officer, more than that, he was stubborn, and that's how it was settled.

Finn left his quarters at what he decided was the middle of the night. Incapable of going back to sleep, he decided to walk around the base, leaving his restless mind to wander, while his feet did the same.

“General,” acknowledged the soldier in one of the corridors close to the main room. It took him a few seconds to notice her presence and to recognise her.  
“Captain,” He mimicked the gesture, motioning his head forward. “Have they checked-in yet?” He asked, stopping in front of her,  
“Not yet. General Dameron said he'll keep waiting, Sir.” Finn was a little surprised to find that the other general was also awake.  
“Has he even slept?”  
“I'm not sure, Sir,” - Finn was still getting used to the formalities of being a general, “ But if I had to guess, I'd say no.” Finn tutted, and thought for a moment,  
“Listen,” he said, finally, “I'm sorry to ask you this since he said he'd take care of it, but do you mind giving me ten minutes with him and then coming back?”  
“Of course, Sir. Since I'm already awake, I'd rather be of use.” - Finn smiled and thanked her. He knew that feeling very well.

Finn approached the control room silently and saw Poe with his feet up on the control panel, ankles crossed. Someone who didn't know him as well would have thought that he looked casual, that he felt at ease, but Finn did know him that well. Finn knew he looked exhausted without even having to see his face.

“Have you slept at all?” Finn propped himself with both hands on the empty chair beside Poe.

He didn't jump, but his raised eyebrows at hearing Finn's voice showed his surprise. Their eyes met for a moment, and then Poe was looking at the screen again.

“Not yet. I'll sleep when I know that they're safe.”  
“Wouldn't it be better to try and get some rest, and ask someone to let you know when they check-in?”  
“I can't sleep, Finn.”  
“I know,” he said, in the middle of a sigh, straightening up, “But if they don't come in and we need you to fly, I'd feel better if…” He stopped himself, “It would be better if you were rested.”  
Poe rubbed his face with his hands and put both his feet back on the ground.  
“I don't think I can…” His voice was almost a whisper.  
“Generals?” The captain came back, as Finn requested. The tone of her voice sounded like a question, even if she hadn't asked anything.  
“Hey, would you mind keeping watch for a bit?” Finn asked. He could sense the protest building up inside Poe and squeezed his shoulder softly, “Come on general, walk with me.”

Finn didn't call him general often, and Poe liked it when he did. But it was more the weight of the warm hand on his shoulder, than the request itself, that convinced him to get up from his chair. So he followed Finn in silence until his mind shifted focus and he remembered something his co-general had said weeks before, when he refused to follow Rey to the ruins of the Death Star.

“You were right, you know?”  
Finn looked a bit curious, before asking, “I'm sure I was, but what specifically are we talking about?”  
“I'm not Leia.”  
“If I remember correctly, you were the one who said that.”  
“And you agreed.” - The two had stopped in front of a large window. Poe faced the night outside, and Finn watched his tired face.  
“Well, then it's lucky that you don't have to be.” Poe looked at him, elbows on the windowsill. “Listen man, I'm new to this commanding officer thing,” He moved his arms aimlessly in front of himself, “but you're a good man, a good leader, and people follow you. I think both of us have fucked up enough times to accept we might be wrong sometimes. So you don't have to worry about it ‘cause we're in this together, and we'll keep each-other in check, okay?”

Again, Finn put a reassuring hand on Poe’s shoulder. There was a spark in his eyes, like hope, like everything Poe wanted to cling to. He couldn't stop himself from smiling.

“Yeah, alright.” They both looked outside again, Finn's eyes lingering just a little longer. “I suppose it wouldn't be right to take this heart to heart as an opportunity to ask you what you were gonna tell Rey?”  
“Don't ruin the moment, man”.  
Poe chuckled slightly, and a few seconds of silence ensued.  
“General,” The captain’s voice came through the radio, ”They're making contact.”

The two looked at each-other before running back to the control room.

“It's great to hear from you, we were getting worried,” she said with a big smile as the two generals approached. Poe didn't waste time and picked up the radio.  
“What's your situation?” Poe asked, panting. Finn was right behind him.  
“Hi, Sir. The mission has been a success, no casualties. We managed to transport the prisoner, but before we could make our way back, there was a blizzard and we had to postpone take off. Obviously the weather interfered with comms and we couldn't check-in until now.”  
Poe sighed in relief. “I'm glad to hear that. Do you have an ETA at the base?”  
“We have to dig the ship out of the snow before we can go home, but we should be touching down before midday, Sir.”  
“We'll be waiting for your arrival.”  
“Thank you, Sir. Signing off.”

There was a moment of silence where it seemed like everyone was waiting for something to happen. Poe had been waiting for hours, and now there was no excuse to keep him out of bed. He straightened himself up and took a step back from the control panel.

“Thanks for radioing me in, Nitin.” He said to the captain.  
“No problem, Sir,” she replied.  
“Maybe you can get some sleep now.” Finn hoped, squeezing his arm this time. Poe didn't notice when he absentmindedly covered the other man's hand with his own.

The two walked in silence until reaching Poe's quarters. They stopped at the door.

“Thanks, Finn.” Poe said, pressing a combination of buttons on his door.  
“Any time, man.” He put his hands in his pockets while Poe opened the door.  
“Oh, I didn't ask,” Poe said, finding a way to prolong the conversation. “What about you? Why are you awake this late?” Finn shrugged and gave him another smile.  
“Can't sleep.”  
“Get some rest, general,” he laughed.  
“You can't give me orders,” - Finn replied, a playful grin on his face, “Sir.” He finished his sentence, backing up a few steps before turning around and walking to his own quarters.

Finn didn't tell him about the nightmare, or the screams, or how he'd woken up in a cold sweat, thinking the base was being attacked again. He didn't say he needed that little talk, the good news, just as much as Poe. Poe didn't know that Finn was grounding himself just as much as him every time he touched the pilot’s shoulder. 

And Finn didn't see Poe place his forehead on the door for just a moment after closing it, breathing in that brief time together, the playfulness, and thinking that maybe he could get a few hours of sleep now.

_______________________________________________

After another few weeks, Rey finally finished her Jedi training. She had flown to Tatooine a few days before with BB8, saying it was a mission she had to take on her own. Finn understood that and supported her decision, but Poe didn’t care as much. The pilot liked Rey, loved her, even, but he had had a rocky path with the Force. He couldn’t pretend to be excited about it as much as other people seemed to be. He believed in the Force, he’d have to be blind not to, but he didn’t have to like it, to forget the evil that it could inspire. Still, he loved his friend, and if BB8 wanted to travel with her, he’d more than gladly oblige.  
Only a couple days later, Poe was leaving on a mission of his own. Nothing too complicated, just overseeing some information recovery in the abandoned First Order hideouts, on a planet not too far away. He didn’t really have to go, that wasn’t really a general’s mission, but he started getting antsy whenever he spent a long time on the ground. Rose begged him to go, unable to tolerate his erratic self in every meeting any longer. He became difficult when he was bored, and Rose had better things to worry about than her commanding officer trying to antagonise everyone. Finn reassured him he could take care of things on the ground, and with a friendly pat on the back, Poe said goodbye, climbing on his ship and taking off.

And so, Finn was left without his two best friends, barely having anything to do with himself since Rose was just that good at her job. He had to say some “yeses” and “nos”, sign some paperwork, approve some schedules and read some debriefs, but most of the time he just found himself bored. This quiet time wasn't all bad, however. Now that he was finally able to sleep better and the nightmares had become less frequent, he was able to use his spare time to think about things he couldn’t afford to think about before. Things like Rey and his connection with her, things like the Force and what he wanted from it, and things like what was the best way to tell her that.

Rose was on duty during dinner one day, and wanting to be around a friend, Finn decided to take his food to the control room, and sit with her while she worked. Finn was grateful to have her as a friend. She was strong and kind, and didn’t ask too many questions. It was because of her that he wasn’t a coward anymore. It was because of her, as well as some other people, that he was still alive.  
The kiss they shared after she had risked her life to save his had made him uneasy for a couple of days. He hadn’t really known what to do with that, until one day, when he was particularly fidgety around her and they were alone, she’d said. “Gods, Finn, I didn’t think it’d be this awkward.” And with a gentler voice, she kept going, “You’re my friend and I was so happy I managed to get to you in time, that I felt like kissing you. I didn’t mean for it to be weird or confusing.” He decided he had been lucky to have crossed paths with her when he did, and to be held in such high esteem by her. Finn thanked her and they hugged. Since then, the two hadn’t spent much time together, considering the war that had been going on. But he always liked her presence, and the fact that she always expected more of him, never accepting less than his very best.  
She had told Finn that her days in the… Resistance? (Military? New Republic Forces? What were they now?) were numbered, and she wanted to make a difference in a time of peace. She wanted to become a senator one day, and Finn was sure that she would be. He personally didn’t like politics, too much talking and too little action. He didn’t mind peaceful negotiations, but he didn’t have the patience for the constant forced pleasantries that were tied to the job.  
He realised he had been lost in thought when a familiar voice that came through the radio caught his attention.

“Hey Rose, just checking-in for the night.”  
“Good to hear from you, Poe.” Rose was one of the few who didn’t call the two by their titles. “All on schedule?”  
“Yeah all good. Should be coming back in 48 hours.” The hologram checked his watch. “How’s things at the base?”  
“Quiet.” She paused, “Finn’s here.”  
“Oh, yeah? Miss me already?”  
Finn rolled his eyes. “I’m tired of losing to Chewie, you gotta come back so I can kick your ass,” he said, leaning in towards the computer.  
“You wish.” He laughed, and then looked behind him. “Right, I gotta go.” Looking back at them, he said, “See you in two days.”  
“See you in two days,” Rose replied, and the hologram was gone.

Seeing Poe’s hologram reminded him of the things he’d been avoiding lately, things he wasn’t saying.  
How he would tell Rey that he was Force sensitive, was a problem that didn’t take too long to solve. A question remained though. How would he tell Poe? He knew he had to, but he really didn’t want to go through that with his co-general. He wasn’t ready for Poe to look at him differently, to give the pilot yet another reason not to trust him. He’d gotten over the stormtrooper thing, that was true, but the stormtrooper thing was in his past, he had redeemed himself for that. The Force, what he wanted from it, was his present, would become part of his future. He never wanted to be a stormtrooper, but he wanted this connection with the Force. He liked it, it made him feel special. But he knew Poe wouldn’t see it that way, and it broke his heart to think so.

_______________________________________________

Poe came back. A few days later, so did Rey. With her, arrived the day where Finn would finally tell her about his Force sensitivity. She was practising one morning when he decided to meet with her and have the necessary conversation. He found her meditating, and waited until she noticed his presence. She got down to her feet, not really surprised.

“Hey, is everything all right?”  
“Yeah.” He approached her, not really looking at her face, hands in front of him. “I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?”  
“Sure.” She sat on a rock and he followed. “What’s up?”  
“You remember there was something I wanted to tell you when I thought we were about to die?” Suddenly that seemed like a lifetime away.  
“Yeah, I remember.” He hesitated, and she encouraged him, “Finn you can tell me anything.”  
“I’m Force sensitive.” He spoke quickly, and she blinked at him a few times. He waited.  
“Oh, oh, oh! You are! Of course you are! It makes so much sense!” She was up and walking in front of him, arms flailing in excitement, “This is amazing! Finn, this is great, I can train you and we can both practice together.”  
“Rey.” She seemed not to hear him.  
“You know what that means? There might be others like us out there!”  
“Rey.” Nothing.  
“We could find them togeth-”  
“Rey!” He shouted, interrupting her, “Slow down.” She seemed confused, and was panting slightly from speaking so fast, “I don’t really want to become a Jedi.”  
“But Finn, you are one.” She knelt in front of him, holding his hands.  
“No. I’m Force sensitive. I want to learn from it, I want to understand it and I want to use it. But I’m better with a blaster than with a lightsaber. I don’t want to move rocks and shove people with my mind.”  
“You know that there’s more to a Jedi than that.” Her voice sounded bitter.  
“I know. And I want all this other stuff, but I’ve been trained for war, to fight, for too long. I don’t want to use the Force for that too.” Rey considered him for a moment.  
“I can teach you that.” She said, finally.  
“I’m sorry I’m not-”  
“No, Finn,” she sat beside him, still holding his hands, a small smile twisting her lips. “You’re exactly who you should be. I got a bit overexcited, that’s all. Thank you for telling me, I’m really happy.”  
He reciprocated the smile.  
“I’m sure there are more people like us out there. I’ll help you find them.” He said. She nudged him and put her head on his shoulder.

Finn forgot, in that moment, the dread he felt about telling the same thing to Poe. But he remembered it soon enough, and it became his companion every time he saw his co-general around the base.

_______________________________________________

Finn had his duties as a general, as a leader. They had been trying to find stormtroopers that had abandoned the First Order both prior to their defeat and after it. Finn wanted to help them, show them they could have a life of their own. There must have been more like Jannah and her squadron. But in his free time, he’d follow Rey into the forest. The two would talk and she would teach him how to commune with the Force.

Poe was a busy man these days, but he wasn’t blind. He noticed how much time Finn and Rey were spending together. He noticed how secretive they were about it, how Finn always changed the subject whenever he tried to ask him about it. He knew it had something to do with that secret Finn had to tell her, and the fact that the two were hiding this from him hurt almost as much as the fact itself.  
He’d get over it, eventually, he hoped. He wasn’t a teenager being rejected for the first time. Hell, he hadn’t even said anything to even be rejected. But it didn’t stop his heart from breaking, it didn’t make the jealousy go away. He could have tried to be happy for them, he thought, if they had trusted him enough to tell him. Now he only felt left out. He felt alone. He was angry. They could have been honest with him, after everything they went through together, after the many times they’d saved each-others lives. They owed him that much. Or did they think he’d be petty enough to spoil their love affair? - He shivered at the thought of the word.  
He started avoiding Finn as much as he could, not that it was difficult, since they barely saw each-other outside of meetings and briefings anyway. He didn’t feel like avoiding Rey as much, maybe because he felt that Finn’s betrayal was larger than hers. Maybe because it hurt more when he looked into Finn’s eyes and couldn’t see what he was hiding. He spent most of his days sulking, so he and Rose found the perfect mission to take him away from the base.  
The new mission came right in time, he thought, for Finn and Rey were scheduled to leave on the very same day on a mission of their own. They’d make the initial contact with a group of ex-stormtroopers who seemed interested in an alliance with the New Republic. Poe didn’t want to think of an excuse not to go with them, when it was clear that he just couldn't stand staying at the base. It’d be excruciating for him, amidst his emotions, to be stuck in the Falcon with them two for days. So he’d spend his next few days smuggling some Resistance prisoners out of one of the planets still allied to the First Order instead. It shouldn’t be too difficult, he was used to smuggling people even before he joined the Resistance. It was a three man mission, and he chose two of his best, ignoring the fact that his very best were really Finn and Rey.  
It was a decision made in a rush, hours before Rey and Finn took off. Poe was packing when Finn met him in his quarters.

“I thought you’d be coming with us if you didn't have to stay on the ground.” Finn folded his arms, leaning on the doorframe.  
“Yeah, well,” Poe barely looked up, “Change of plans.”  
“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?” Finn sounded annoyed.  
“Are you?” Poe retorted, finally making eye contact. The two stared each-other down defiantly, but Poe was afraid that his eyes would betray him, so he looked away, and kept packing his things.  
“Is this about the secret, again?” Finn felt himself raising his voice more out of fear of that conversation than of anger from the other man’s behaviour.  
“Yes, Finn, it’s the fucking secret again!” Poe shouted, losing his temper. He tossed a shirt on top of his bed and faced Finn completely, “It’s you and Rey hiding around, pretending that nobody knows what’s going on,” he said, snarling. Finn moved inside the bedroom and closed the door behind him. “It’s about you thinking that I’m too stupid to notice that you two are in love, and cutting me out completely!”  
“Wait, you think I’m in love with her?! Finn gestured, pointing at his side, as if Rey was in that particular direction. He moved forward, now raising his voice to match Poe’s.  
“And are you not?!” If he wasn’t so hurt and angry, he would have dared to have a hint of hope.  
“No! Fuck. Poe, no!” He didn’t know how this secrecy had gotten so out of hand. “We’re not- I’m not- Why would you even think that?!” He wasn’t being fair to Poe, now. Finn knew, deep inside, why Poe would think that. He’d created this situation unknowingly. He’d messed up.  
“Then tell me now, what it is,” Poe paused, swallowing and trying to recompose himself, “Or I swear, I won’t want to know anymore.” Finn could hear the pain in his voice, he was pleading, and it was a threat.  
“Rey’s been training me.” He ventured, looking into Poe’s eyes. He didn’t see anything. “I’m Force sensitive too.” He waited for a reaction, and saw when the tension left the pilot’s shoulders.  
“That was your big secret?” His voice and his eyes showed confusion. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”  
“I didn’t want you to look at me differently,” There was a level of panic in Finn’s voice. “I didn’t want you to… I didn't want you to resent me.” He saw a flash of something in Poe’s eyes, a fraction of a second and it was gone again.  
“And how did that work out for you, buddy?” That hit Finn like a shot from a blaster. Was Poe… crying? “You were afraid of telling me…” Poe said while sitting on his bed, and Finn felt like he was talking more to himself in that moment. He wiped his eyes and his nose. “I thought you knew me better than that.”  
“Poe, I...” Finn moved a step closer. “I should have told you, I should have trusted- I didn't think-”  
“Finn…” Poe interrupted, barely louder than a whisper. All the hostility had disappeared from his voice. Finn looked at him, hopeless. “Just go.”

Finn opened his mouth once more, but couldn’t find anything to say. He wanted to protest, to make it right. He wanted to say he’d have been more rational had his fear of losing Poe not spoken louder. He desperately wanted to apologise, but suddenly those words felt empty. He needed to make it right, to take away the doubt and pain he had inflicted. In all this time he’d never seen Poe cry, and now he was what had caused it. Finn never thought that he himself would be the one to break his own heart.  
He left the bedroom slowly, quietly. It was hard to breathe. He was struggling to wrap his head around what had just happened. When he met Rey in the Falcon, she was polite enough not to ask again, when he assured her that he was gonna be fine.

_______________________________________________

Poe's mission had started well. They were able to land in a safe and hidden spot. The first time he left the ship, he was worried he wouldn't be thinking clearly enough for the mission, but he's a soldier, and it was easy to focus on the mission once he got his feet on the ground. He was glad, actually, that there was something he had to pay attention to other than his own thoughts and feelings - whatever they were at this point. He'd deal with those later. Right now, the familiarity of being in action was almost comforting, it came easier for him.  
He and his people scouted around the buildings first, checking if their info was reliable, and keeping track of the security rota. On the second day, they located the prisoners, and made their rescue plan. Finally, on the third night, they broke into the facility unnoticed and found the prisoners - three adults, one teenager, and a baby.  
The presence of a baby among them caught the rescuers off guard. This is the sort of information that one might think of low importance, but besides the fact that they now had to account for an extra person - since their intelligence mentioned only four people - this extra person was a liability. Babies can't run when you tell them to run, they slow you down, and above all else, babies cry.

“I take it, you're the father?” Poe asked the man who held the baby.  
“His parents were killed, I'm his guardian. Vala is my daughter.” He held the teenager closer.  
“Right.” Poe nodded, jaw clenched, “We have a small window to get out of here,” He gave a quick glance to the woman keeping watch, “We'll do it quickly and silently. Now, if we get spotted, you follow my friend over there,” He pointed his head to the man watching another corridor.”You run like hell, and you,” He pointed at the man with the baby, “Hold that baby tight, until you're inside the ship. No one gets ahead of him,” The man watching the corridor, “or behind me. Understood?” They all nodded. “Do any of you know their way around a blaster?”

Vala and a man, who had both been quiet until then, said they did. Poe handed them both a blaster. They readied themselves, and moved when the Resistance man gave the order.  
They were half way back to their ship when alarms went off. With the alarm, the baby started crying, so when they were able to hide, they knew their cover wouldn't last long. And that's when Laksia, the second in command in that mission, had a brilliantly stupid idea. Poe would record the cry of the baby as a message, and then she'd play it back away from the refugees, until they were all safe in the ship. That could protect the ship's location for a while, and she could then escape and return, in silence and alone, to the ship with them.  
It was a bad idea, but they didn't have many, so Poe decided to be the bait instead. He wouldn't risk her life in such a way. She protested, they were running out of time, and Poe won that argument, like he usually did. Almost an hour later, approaching the ship slowly, he couldn't believe that the plan had worked. And he was right not to, it seemed that the enemy were only waiting for him to show up, because dozens came out of the woods when he was too close to be able to escape.  
Shots were fired, one hit the man with the blaster on the shoulder. Laksia made a move to come out of the ship, but Poe shouted for them to leave. He had three men on him already. She was able to shoot one of them on the chest before the hatch closed and they were barely able to take off, leaving him there.

_______________________________________________

Poe was no stranger to torture. It wasn't his first time and he knew he could take quite a lot of it. He had survived Kylo Ren using the Force to invade his mind, in ways that left little space for resistance. So this, he thought, he could be doing for quite a while, which in this case was a curse. He lost track of how many hours he'd been there, hit, shot, shocked, starved, all the while being asked about the location of the Resistance base, about Rey, about their next steps. He couldn't lie, say he didn't know. They knew who he was, what he meant for the Resistance, and that's how Poe knew that they weren't going to kill him. At least not yet.

_______________________________________________

Finn didn't like meditating. Rey said he had to, but really he felt like it was a waste of time. Still, he did it to please his teacher, and because tomorrow he would be speaking in front of a large group of ex-troopers, which made him very nervous. He hadn't realised that people would look up to him like that, he hadn't realised what a responsibility that would become. So tonight he decided to commune with the Force and maybe reach some inner peace or whatever.  
Instead, he felt his skin crawl when he heard Poe's scream. His chest was tight, he'd never before felt such agony. The fear took hold of him. He couldn't breathe.  
He stumbled across the room and reached the panel in the Falcon. He contacted the base, hands shaking, cold sweat dripping down his face. He'd felt something similar before, when he felt Rey nearly die. Was it a “disturbance in the Force”? This time it felt like a panic attack. He tried to focus, to bring back to the surface his trooper training, to put his feelings aside for just a moment. But it was Poe he felt dying, it was Poe and he could never put those feelings aside.

“General.”  
“Where's Poe? Has he come back to the base yet?” He was frantic and spoke fast.  
“I'm sorry, Sir. General Dameron hasn't returned with his crew.”  
“What do you mean he hasn't returned?!” He shouted. “They left him behind?!”  
“He was captured, Sir. Ordered the others to proceed with the mission.” It took all Finn’s strength not to curse at the man on the other side. He paced for a few seconds.  
“What were his last coordinates?” He sat down.  
“Sir, we're preparing a rescue party at the moment.”  
“I don't give a fuck what you're doing, I asked for his coordinates!” The fear and anger got the best of him.  
“Is that Finn?” Rose’s voice came in, and a second later sure enough her hologram appeared.  
“Rose, where is he?!”  
“He’s been taken.” She didn’t try to hide the severity of the situation. “They haven’t contacted us yet so we don’t know if they want to trade him for something or not, but they wouldn’t just kill him like that, you know that, right?”  
“That’s not good enough.” He pressed his hands to his eyes. “What are his last coordinates?” He asked quietly, not willing to argue any longer.

Rose knew better than to antagonise him at this point, she knew it would be useless, and so she gave him the coordinates. He’d have gone after him anyway. They disconnected with her reassuring him that she was still organising the rescue mission, even with his interference. She ordered him not to die. Rey arrived a few minutes later, looking worried.

“Finn, are you okay?”  
“Poe got captured,” he said, getting up, and starting the preparations. “We’re gonna go get him back.”  
“What, wait.” He kept moving around her, “Finn, stop.” She held him by the arms in front of her. “We should go back to base, get a proper search and rescue party.”  
“No, we’re going now. Just the two of us,” he said firmly. “If anyone can find him, it’s me and you.”  
“But Finn…”  
“No, Rey!” He didn’t let her continue. “When you left us behind to search the scraps of the Death Star, I went after you.” He pointed at her, accusatory. “When you left again, he came after me.” He shouted and banged his fist once against his chest. “When he found out I was still on that Star Destroyer, again, he came after me!” He banged his fist against his chest again. “So, now I’m going after him, and you can come with me or leave me to go alone.” He paused, looking her straight in the eye, before continuing. “Again.”  
He knew he shouldn’t have used that card, it wasn’t fair to her. Rey had always tried to do her best, what she thought was right, even amidst all the strong, conflicting emotions that the past few years had laid on her. But right now he didn’t care. He needed to get Poe back, he needed that feeling to go away, he needed to see him, to touch him again. He’d never forgive himself if he didn’t. He wouldn’t be able to pretend everything was fine, talking to the rebelled troopers. What kind of example would he be, if he let the man who gave him his life be tortured, just so he could talk to a crowd.

_______________________________________________

Poe had now lost track of how many times he'd passed out. There was a glass of water in front of him, and he was tied up, alone, unable to get an inch closer to that glass. He wasn’t even sure if there was a glass of water in front of him. His vision was blurred and his left eye stung from the dried blood on his face. He heard noises coming from outside, and the door blasted, with a First Order man practically flying through it.  
Poe thought he’d seen Finn come in through the door, get close to him and untie him, but he couldn’t be sure about that either. He thought he heard his voice, and Rey’s too, and he could almost remember part of their way back to the ship, Finn’s shoulder under him, his arms around him, carrying him.  
The next time he woke up, and remembered that he was awake, Poe was in the hospital at the base, the pain still very present in several parts of his body. Finn slept, sitting on the chair beside him, arms crossed. The pilot thought he looked tired, he looked beautiful.

_______________________________________________

In the two weeks that Poe was in the hospital, he had a lot of time to think. Time to heal. He had been told that Finn went after him, after feeling his pain through the Force. The Force… They hadn’t talked about it again, since their last fight. With time, Poe realised that half of his anger was due to his own frustration with himself. If Finn couldn’t trust him, maybe he’d given him reason not to. He could have been more open to the Force, less grumpy. He hated that Finn hadn’t trusted him enough, and he hated himself for that.

Finn would visit him every day, especially when he was being difficult, wanting to leave his bed. He felt guilty. Guilty for their fight, for Poe going on a different mission to stay away from him. He could barely look him in the eye now. At least Poe didn’t seem angry, though Finn didn’t know why. He even seemed to be trying to be closer to him. The pilot would brush his fingers against his casually, and let their hands touch for longer when Finn would place his hands beside him on the bed, talking about their days, schedules and missions. But there was still a lot left unsaid.

Poe caught himself thinking about how falling for Finn was both a blessing and a curse. He was an amazing man, that was for sure. He was strong, brave, funny, took no shit from anyone, but above all else, he was kind, his presence gentle, and he never wanted to cause harm to those around him, - with the exception, of course, of the First Order.  
And that really was the curse, anyone and everyone was capable of falling for that sort of person. He could make everyone feel better with just a couple of words and a smile. And you never knew if that meant anything, because he always treated everyone the same way.  
That's why Poe had hurt so much when Finn treated him differently than Rey, like he was less, like he was undeserving of the special treatment he craved so much. Well, remembering the last things he said to his co-general before their last missions, he thought maybe he wasn't worthy of it after all.  
Whether he was worthy or not, it didn't change the fact that Finn didn’t leave the base during those two weeks, until duty eventually called, and he could ignore it no longer. He took off with Rey again one morning to resume their previous mission.

This time, Finn wasn't as nervous, he decided he'd just be honest with them. There was nothing really heroic about what he did when he left the First Order, he said. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you just get a feeling, a thought crosses you mind, and you make the choice to cling to it, to do something, to change. Some people will call it the Force, some will call it instinct, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter why you made that choice, you just did, and that's when your life begins.  
He had been lucky more than once. He was lucky to find that feeling. Lucky to find the Resistance, his family, people who'd lay down their lives for him. Lucky to find a friend to guide him through the path of the Force. But he knew he owed everything first and foremost to one particular pilot who helped him free himself from the First Order, one particular man who trusted him without hesitation… trust.

And then Finn understood. Poe had always trusted him, believed in him with everything he had. There was never any doubt in his feelings, not for Finn. There'd never been a "You're not Leia" from Poe, only a "I can't do this without you". He was always there, always worried, always ready to fight tooth and nail for him. Poe trusted him from the beginning when he had no reason to. He trusted him to be his co-general. To inspire others... to not hurt him.  
It finally dawned on him that Poe, - cynical, sarcastic, war-torn, General Dameron - had always been open, always vulnerable, always true to him. And he hadn't done the same. The reason he couldn't bring himself to tell Poe about his Force sensitivity before, is that he felt like he was already pushing his luck. Poe had already given him so much, forgiven his origins, freed him without judgement. What more could Finn ask for? But the truth is, Poe had always given him way more than he'd ever dared to ask.

Finn had made mistakes, he knew he'd keep making them. But that was okay, it was proof that he had the freedom to make his own choices. And he had friends, good people around him, who'd take care of him, and make sure he didn't lose himself. As long as he could do the same for them, as long as he didn't stop, he knew his life was worth living. And that was enough.  
He ended his speech with those words, and without wasting any time, found Rey in the crowd, saying he wanted to go home. He was sure Poe was out of the hospital now, and if anything in this life of his was ever close to being his home, that man was it. They left that same day, as soon as it was acceptable for them to do so, and got back to the base not long after midnight.

_______________________________________________

After their arrival, Rey did the sensible thing, she went to her quarters, took a well-deserved shower, and went to bed. But there was too much going on in Finn's chest for him to lay his head on a pillow and sleep. He opted for a walk, as usual, and after a few minutes he found himself in front of a large window. The night outside was dark and quiet, almost peaceful, which made Finn take a deep breath and give a long sigh.

“Can't sleep?” Finn turned in surprise, watching Poe walk towards him slowly, smiling, messy haired and sleepy eyed. Had he always been this beautiful?  
“Shouldn't you be in bed?” He asked, giving Poe a big smile.  
“I asked to be woken up when you got back.” He stopped beside Finn, looking outside. “Besides, I've spent way too much time in bed these past weeks.” Finn felt a hint of guilt set itself in his throat.  
“I'm sorry.” He said, feelingly, looking at his own hands.  
“Me too, buddy.” Poe put his arm across Finn's back and rested his hand on his shoulder, pulling him a little closer. “We'll be okay, right?”  
Finn nodded, feeling relieved.

They spent a couple of minutes in silence like that. Thinking, replaying the last couple of months in their heads. Finn couldn't bring himself to think what it would become of him if he'd lost Poe. Lost him after an argument, without Poe knowing what he had to know. His last words to Finn then, had been, "I thought you knew me better than that." Yeah, Finn had thought so too.

“Your speech today was really good,” Poe said, trying to hide a cheeky smile.  
“What…? How do you… but…”  
“What, they didn't tell you? It was transmitted to all the nearby planets.” He pointed up, his hand at face level, circling his index finger, as if pointing to the planets themselves.  
“What?! Why wasn't I told about this?” He wasn't angry, he was embarrassed. Which made Poe laugh out loud.  
“We thought you didn't need the extra pressure, we knew you'd do great anyway.” Finn was ready to protest, but he noticed how Poe had a hand placed on his side whenever he laughed. Finn wondered how much he still hurt. “It was Rose's idea,” Poe added.  
And that settled it.

Finn almost lost track of what he had set his mind to do. But looking at Poe's profile, the scar on his eyebrow still healing, the smile on those lips, he brought himself back. He trusted Poe, he trusted that even if he had gotten it wrong, Poe wouldn't hurt him more than he had to.

“Poe, there's something I need to say to you.” He turned to face him and Poe did the same, barely able to meet his eyes, half afraid of what was coming next. “I thought you already knew, but I realise now that I was mistaken.”

Poe's lips were parted, Finn felt that they were teasing him, and suddenly he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Too much hung on them. Instead, he touched the side of Poe's face and took a step further, his thumb stroking Poe's cheek. He leaned in.  
Their lips met half parted, almost trembling, soft. But it felt heavy, a desperate need poured through them, they had waited for too long. Finn found his courage back in those lips, he pulled himself back.

“I'm in love with you.” Poe's face lit up. “I mean… How could I not be?”

Poe had his hand on Finn's neck and pulled him in for another kiss, deeper this time. He needed more, he just couldn't let go.  
Finn didn't resist, there was nothing he wanted more, so he pressed his hand on the pilot's back and brought their bodies closer together. Poe winced when Finn's hands wandered, so Finn stopped and moved his head inches back.

“Sorry.” They were both panting. Poe kissed him again, calmer this time.  
“Don't worry about it.” A playful smile in the corner of his mouth. “Guess I'll have to stick to minimal action these next few days.” Finn nearly blushed with the implication, which made Poe laugh again.

A couple of soldiers turned the corner at this point and the two took a step back. There'd be time to deal with everyone else knowing later, for now it was just between the two of them. They deserved it.

“Generals.” The two soldiers said in unison, and the generals cocked their heads forward in acknowledgement. When the soldiers turned another corner, Finn brought Poe into another kiss.  
“What do you say,” Poe started, after moving back. “Why don't you take me to bed, general?” His hands were in fists, holding Finn's jacket. “I have a feeling that I'll sleep better with you in it.”  
“If that's what it takes to make you get some rest.” He replied, hands covering Poe's. “But there's one more thing.” Poe waited. “I prefer Finn, to general.”  
“Yeah?” Poe listened attentively. Finn nodded.  
“It's the name you gave me.” Poe felt like he was going to burst.  
“Well then.” He paused, and meeting Finn’s eyes again through thick eyelashes, he continued. “I love you, Finn.”

The two reached Poe's room only a few minutes later. It was the closest one, after all. It was still awkward for Poe to find a comfortable position to lie down in, one that didn't make his ribs and his shoulder hurt. But he eventually found one. Lying on his side, with Finn's breath tickling his neck, his hand caressing his hair and the occasional kiss on his shoulder, Poe fell asleep.  
When Finn followed, feeling Poe's back pressed against his chest, there were no nightmares, no screaming. He only felt peace.


End file.
